A lot has happen lately in the office which has stress me so much. It's not the work but the office politics. Am so stress, don't feel like going to work tomorrow. It was so bad that i had a dream this morning where in i had lost my debit card after i had paid for the food which i had in a Japanese restaurant. It felt so real that i woke up and went to check my wallet to see if it was there. So scary. Tried checking the Internet what that dream meant (not that i am a superstitious guy but just wanted to check), i only manage to find the below quotes from a website:-
" To dream that you lose money, signifies temporary unhappiness in the home and a few setbacks in your affairs. You may be feeling weak, vulnerable, and out of control in your waking life. Additionally, you may be lacking ambition, power and self-esteem. To give or spend money in you dream, is analogous to giving love. You are looking for love. To see others giving money away, suggests that you are feeling ignored or neglected. Someone is not paying enough attention and showing enough affection toward you. If you are hogging or hoarding money, then it denotes insecurity or selfishness. To dream that you have no money, indicates a fear of losing your place in the world or that a feeling that you lack the abilities needed to achieve some desired goal. You may be overlooked or neglected by others".
Loosing of the debit card relates to loosing money which in fact if i relate to the sentence in red, it more or else describes me at this stage. SOB SOB.
Am feeling that i am bad leader. Despite my many discussions with my team members the same issues is still coping up again. I am just so confused on what to do....it is like choosing between money or life. This clearly shows that i am not a good leader who can't even handle small issues left alone big issues. Wonder where the problem lie with whom? With me or the team?
Furthermore the Kolkata client has ask for the detail breakdown on the VAT for all packages (MC, Lift, Electrical, etc) which they want it by next week....sure die.....so much work to be done at such a short span of time.
Will i be able to stay in this company for long?????
Just had a meeting with the Bangalore City head. She wants the Plumbing & Sanitary contractor to be terminated and to get a few contractor to quote for the remaining works. So troublesome more work. Very "Sian" think the Final Account for this project would be very messy..
Just got the invitation for the Management meeting to be held in Delhi. Agenda for the meet i guess would be the issue on the bonus / increment / pay hike. Not sure what would be the outcome of the meeting but hope that at least the 15% pay cut done last December 08 would be reinstated. Other issues would probably be the grading of the individualQS for future assessment.
Have been thinking of going to Singapore for a week to meet up with my friends since January 09. But due to the "STUPID" work, i wasn't able to confirm it. Not sure if i would be able to go this June 09 since my MUM wants to go back to Nepal for a month. What should i do???
It seems only yesterday that i was in Singapore with my friends having a good time in Polytechnic (that would explain my poor results) and especially the frequent trip to JB and KL that was the best days of my life. The last few years has been a roller coast rider for me. Most of my childhood friends have either gone back to my native (i.e. Nepal) or have gone to UK, Canada, Australia, etc. Furthermore i was transfer to a country where i never dream of going there to work. after a year and a half in India, i suddenly beginning to think am i going to stay in India for GOOD? What have i been doing beside working? I have not been doing anything for myself. This brings me to my next question, when will i really start to think for myself instead of others? As the saying goes " Help yourself before you can help others". So what is my plan for the next 6months, am to sit and do nothing OR start preparing my documents....
It is the time of the year again (Appraisal Time). Last year i was the one being appraised but this year i am the one doing the appraisal on my Juniors. All the while i thought that doing appraisal on the Juniors would be very easy but i was proven wrong when i did the 1st few appraisals today. Your Juniors would be expecting that you would either recommend her/him for promotion or even recommend increment at least in this current economy situation. This is really a tough job. Anyhow iis a new experience for me as first time i am feeling that i am part of the management team which are making some of the decision process and get to let how to make proper decision. Of course i am not saying that the appraisal done by me would be final but at least i am part of the team that is doing the 1st level check (2nd level being my boss...)....
My team is suddenly reduce to 8 member down from 11 members. 3 of the ladies have resign the last few weeks, the last being 2 days back. Reasons being to be with their husbands (common in India for Ladies after getting married to move with their husband that would include resign from their job). Am thinking of requesting for additional manpower but i am sure that it would be rejected due to the current economic situation. Furthermore one of the Keppel projects might be starting soon and this would create a bottle neck. Hope my boss would take my request for more manpower more seriously...